


Nice fireman with a great big hose ^_^

by AlphaSara



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alive Hale Family, Derek is a adorable failwolf, Erica and Derek are roommates, Just for once I wanted to have Derek as the flaily one, M/M, just go with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-04-11 20:50:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4451900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlphaSara/pseuds/AlphaSara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Friends episode RIP OFF. <br/>Masseur Derek has a thing for his client with moles.<br/>Then he bites his ass. <br/>Maybe his mother *SHOULD* order him a mail bride. </p>
<p>Just a silly drabble.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nice fireman with a great big hose ^_^

"Urgh, tell me I don't have to go to work today" Derek wailed into his breakfast.   
"I thought you love your job" Erica eyed him in confusion. "You're raking money by the bags cause everyone wants to be rubbed by you" she smirked and Derek gave her a dirty look.

Of course, that was true. 

 

Derek Hale was a masseur everyone wanted to get an hour with.  
Just his physique meant that he gets more clients than anyone else in tri-state area. And when they realize that he’s actually magnificent at what he does, well… The news traveled fast.   
"Ugh, it's this guy who comes in every Tuesday" Derek continued to complain.   
"Aaaand?" his roommate prompted.   
“Aaaand I just want to do things to him. Things I'm not allowed to charge for" he whimpered.  
Erica let out a throaty laugh. "So do them for free" she smacked him on the arm. 

 

"I can't" he wailed again. "He's so gorgeous that every time I touch him some porn star is blushing to the thoughts that happen in my head"   
“Really?”, she blanched. “You? The prude to rule all the prudes?”   
“I am not a prude!” Derek defended himself.   
“Yeah, right” the blond snorted. “I actually decided to do a little experiment last month” , she produced a little notebook from her bag. “Last month, you had exactly 42 calls from girls asking you out and 29 from guys asking you out. And that’s just from the calls I took while I was around. As equal opportunity guy, I must say, you aren’t taking any opportunities”   
“That’s cause I’m not interested” he glared at her.   
“You don’t even know them, you have to give someone a chance and find out if they’re interesting or not” she took a sip of her coffee. Okay, and what about this guy?” 

 

Derek sighed. “He’s tall and pale and he has moles I wanna lick him from head to toe” Derek smacked his head on the table. 

"Wanky" Erica winked at him.   
'I swear, he's just so.....His name is Stiles and who the hell has a name like that and he's a firefighter and he has these amazing Bambi eyes and the most pornographic mouth ever seen on a man and …And…And um..." Derek sighed, "I want hiiiiim!"

"Jesus Derek, just ask him out. The man is paying 200 bucks to be rubbed by you. I think that means something" the girl told him.   
"Yes, to him and half of the Manhattan, Erica . Doesn't mean he's into me, I'm just really good at what I do" man responded.  
Erica rolled her eyes. "Fine. Pine away, what do I care" she turned to leave. 

"You care cause you love me" he smiled at her and she rolled her eyes again.   
"Shut up, Derek " she rose up and gave him a kiss on the forehead. " “Oh and by the way, Talia called. She says if you come alone to Thanksgiving this year she’s ordering you a mail bride. Now go rub your sexy fireman"   
___________ ________________________________________________________________

 

"Shot me, just take a gun and shoot me. I'm a bad person, I'm a very bad person, I'm, I'm a horrible person" Derek groaned few hours later as he face planted in Erica's lap.   
"What happened, sweetie?" she patted his hair back.   
"I bit him" Derek cried out.   
"WHAT?" girl pushed him not so gently , forcing him to get up. "You did what now? You bit him where?"   
"Oh the ass " Derek made a face.   
"WHAT?" the girl moaned again. "Are you kidding me?" 

 

"He said he was sitting for 16 hours or some Green Peace thing and his lower back hurt and I kinda...He has these fucking back dimples and his ass is like perfect and I was staring at it and the next thing I know he's yelping. That's when I realize that my mouth is on his left but cheek"  
"Oh my God, I love you. This is why you’re my best friend” she was roaring with laughter.  
“Help! He’s probably gonna report me to authorities and they’re gonna shut me down and…. Oh my God, my whole life is flashing before my eyes” 

The sound of the phone ringing interrupted Erica's laughing fit and Derek’s freak out. . Derek wailed some more before Erica shushed him and picked up the phone.   
“Hale-Reyes residence, Perpetual loser with a huge fireman sporting boner can’t pick up right now, how may I help you?   
"Erm, sorry, wrong number" voice came from the other line.   
"Ok, no problem" blonde said and hung up.

Not a minute later the phone rang again. 

"Hale-Reyes house of Humiliation, boobless one speaking" this time Derek greeted.   
"Um" confused voice on the other side cleared his throat. 'I'm sorry, I must have dialed the wrong number again." 

"Did you called a minute ago, too?" Derek asked.   
"Yes, I'm looking for Derek but I obviously didn't write the number down correctly" the man said.   
"Oh this is he" Derek responded.   
"Boobless boner sporting loser?" voice was amused.   
"Erm, yeah?" other man offered.

 

He could hear the man laugh at the other line. "Well, this is Stiles, the guy from your massage place"  
Derek meeped so loud he was sure the man heard him. In fact, judging from the amused laugh he let he definitely heard him.   
"S-S-Sti-, Oh I am so sorry for what happened today, I swear, I didn’t meant to…" he stuttered. “If you want to press charges against me, I understand, I completely understand” 

Erica pushed her head next to the phone just in time to hear :”Trust me, charges are the last thing I want to pres against you”   
Then she basically fell over laughing. 

“What?” 

"Yes, look, I asked your friend Isaac for your number. I'm gonna go on a limb here and assume that you biting me as clue that you're interested in me as much as I'm interested in you. So, I was wondering if maybe you'd let me take you out for diner? Lunch? Cup of coffee?" Stiles was running out of breath and Derek let a relieved sigh when he realized that Stiles was ranting nervously.   
"I...I'd love that" he pushed at Erica , who still had her ear pressed next to the phone.   
"Yeah?" Derek could almost see Stiles smiling. 

"Dear God, yes" Derek gushed out before he could stop himself. "I meant, yes, that would be great. Coffee, I mean. With you. And me, of course" Derek wanted to slap himself.   
"Mama's little bakery, tomorrow at 6?" Stiles offered. "We can share a bite of pie"   
"Oh God" Derek groaned. "Please lets' never speak of that again. And yes, tomorrow at 6 is fine. Great even. Perfect. And as you can hear THIS is why I add the humiliation part when I answer the phone"   
"You’re a 6 feet of pure muscles and you’re adorable” Stiles’ voice sounded so affectionate over the phone. 

 

"Then would you hold it against me if I go scream into my pillow like a 12 year old girl? " he said around a huge smile and Stiles laughed out loud. It was as sound Derek could get used to. “Hell, no. It’s much more PG than what I do after every session I have with you” 

Derek actually dropped the phone. 

“Hello, Stiles. I think Derek’s brain short circuited.” Erica laughed as she picked it up.   
Then my job here is done” Stiles said smugly.   
“I gotta go and reanimate my friend” girl said with a smile as Stiles yelled:”Tell him I love him and wanna have his scruffy babies” 

Erica threw her back and laughed out loud. “I like you, fireman man” she said and hung up. 

"OH MY GOD, HE CALLED ME AFTER I BIT HIS ASS!!!" Derek roared, jumping up. "He called me adorable. I am so done with life" he kept jumping up and down. "I need to go and scream into that pillow, now" he said as he hugged Erica and left for his room.  
She eyed him fondly, calling after him:" I bet you're gonna SCREAM for your fireman with a big hose" 

"Shut up, Erica ." he called back.   
"And here we go, in 3...2...1" she whispered to herself and like charm, Derek's head popped up from his room. "Do you really think he has a big hose?" he asked with a smile. 

"You'll tell me tomorrow night" she winked at him.  
____________________________________________________________________

Safe to say Talia was very impressed with Stiles that Thanksgiving.   
The “Ass biting story” was a cherry on the delicious cupcakes Laura served that night. 

Oh and yes, Stiles did have a big hose.   
Erica made sure evryone knows that.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know.


End file.
